Balance and Greed

I never knew that the games continued after commitment. I feel like a fool, someone left sitting in the bath water long after it went cold because I didn't know I was supposed to get out, dry off and tease the waters with my body for occasional moments, withholding myself from it most of the time. I thought the bath was it; committed, and in it for the long haul. I said I was taking a bath by gum, and so now I will take that bath to the end of time.

I blame a lack of realistic and healthy role models. Fairy tale romance is such a crock of shit. And it messes with our inner identity and sense of self. Why?! When focused on romance we tend to look at three things, the stories we grew up, and the stories we watch as movies and television, forgetting at some inner level that these are STORIES. We look to the celebrities and rock stars, huge mistake since that is usually just a Jerry springer episode waiting to happen. Or we look to our parents and older relatives... many of whom are utterly dysfunctional if they are still alive and together.

Honestly, we can listen to our friends about how a particular relationship is effecting us and our over all well being, but when it comes to troubleshooting they are rarely equipt to give realistic or helpful advice. They are bound to be filled with opinions, but that is hardly the same thing, and rarely, remotely helpful. It is supportive to have someone always see your side and rise to your defense, but what if you are in a causing your to expand your understanding, and maybe even grow, and its not a fight? I made a decision once to not take relationship advice from ANYONE who is not successfully involved, long term in a the type of healthy, happy, evolving, intimate relationship that I myself desire. The way I see it, this is the only person even remotely qualified to give advice on the subject, any one else is talking out their ass.

I honestly only know one truly dynamic, healthy woman, with her own life, and own opinions who has been happily and successfully involved with the same partner for over a decade. I try to follow her example. Interestingly she wont often say much on the relationship subject, so observation is key. She is a very private person. When she does address my questions, in her vague and very generalized way,I really listen up. She hasn't steered me wrong. But many of my choices in partners have been faulty. Definitely don't take relationship advice from me. Fame? fortune? popularity? that I can probably help you with. and this leads me to my delima...

more to come.