Monogamy is a tricky thing. Defining it is even more complex and is worthy of very specifically discussed ground rules. I have had to many relationships where the definition is assumed, and never defined at all.
One partner said "don't do anything you wouldn't want me to do" which seems straight forward and simple enough -superficially, only to find that my partner and I had very different ideas and scales as to what even THAT might mean. Everyone ends up hurting and confused and resentful, from what should be a beautiful celebration.
To one partner being faithful and monogamous may mean no intercourse, to another it may mean no flirting. One person may say no climax, while another says no time alone or intimate conversations with the opposite sex. Then we have the realm of virtual sex, and virtual or online flirting. To me THAT is very precarious, insulting and escapist. All that time dedicated to fantasy while real flesh and blood interest grows cold, taken for granted, or left undervalued...
So how do we figure it out, with out a lot of trial and error? With out a lot of conversations as we stumble blindly along?
One friend said she hopes to find monogamy, till then others define her as Poly, but that is not what she is about either. She just thinks that our culture rushes into it way to fast, instead of allowing it to grow and evolve over time, (she was talking years) So that it is a natural and organic blossoming and choice for both parties rather then a prison sentence for one or the other as seems common for so many. I find myself considering some of her views and turning them over in a larger cultural sense...
You can't push the river. No matter how much you covet the destination. But I know what I want. I just want it freely offered and joyously given, and celebrated in return, not coerced or resentfully presented like a petulant child with a prison sentence. I am nobodies warden.
And all of this brings us back around to trust. We don't have anything with out trust.
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