aversion to the mundane

"Yes!" I said, excitedly, with a huge sense of relief to have it named, categorized and labeled. "that's it!I have an aversion to the mundane."

He stared at me, like he always does, with humor and affection and a bit of pride and said gently "Well, you know, a lot of life really is mundane, that's just how it is, no matter who you are. I invite you to pay attention, and look at those moment a little closer. Find what is wonderful, and beautiful and delicious in them."

I stared back at him and realized maybe this attitude was a problem I should try to overcome instead of something to be self righteous about. I don't know why we work so well together, but Ed is the best therapist I have ever had. He validates all of my experiences "What I want to know" he said, "Is how could anyone expect you to trust anyone after what you've been through? I mean, my gosh, look at you, why would you be able to?" And at the same time expands my view and helps me move through old thoughts and beliefs that hold me back from being ABLE to be happy.

It didn't go over so great when I caught myself weighing everything he had said while I stared at, and studied my boyfriend in sharp detail that evening. He was repeatedly annoyed and more then a little weirded out, but I just kept staring at him. Ed's words were replaying in my head "It really sounds like you could spend a lifetime getting to know this guy, learning everything there is to him, the nuances".

"It sounds like you are really important to him and that he really cares about you. Maybe you are everything he really wants, and he is really happy, not ignoring you, maybe he just feels really complete. He has you, he has TV, he is home from a job he hates..." I had never thought to even consider it that way before. So I just kept staring, turning the ideas around in my mind. Boyfriends delicious and juicy lips kept distracting my contemplations so it went on for sometime. I am sure it did weird him out.

It didn't make it any easier to do the laundry and dishes the next day, to to sweep the floors, or to contain the dogs. House work was still tedious and mundane. Homework still loomed over my head like a huge hurdle of academia that no one is ever quite adequate to, and lunch dates, were all mere time killers to seeing him again. Perhaps next week when I meet with Ed we can focus on dealing with my OCD, tendencies a bit more, before I no longer have a boyfriend to obsess over. I just really like him, and he keeps surprising me, inside of myself. And his damn sweet, juicy, kissable lips, I want to chew on them all day long. If only he were more consistently affectionate, instead of withdrawn and aloof. That part is downright painful.

"Find the beautiful little tiny moments that bring joy and magic into the mundane-ness of daily life" say's Ed, in my head.